Can Questions Help You Feel Better?
38 Questions for 38 Years
“The quality of your life is determined by the quality of the questions you ask.”
The first time I played what I’ve simply nicknamed The Question Game, I remember within a few short minutes that:
My body felt more grounded & spacious.
My mind felt more calm & centered.
My heart felt more curious & grateful.
I felt connected to a sense of wonder & awe.
I moved to Berlin last week, and I’m writing this on June 10th—my 38th birthday.
I thought it’d be fun to do something like a “38 Lessons Learned” writing. But what feels better is to frame this not in statements, but in questions. **
I was introduced to The Question Game by a friend with the following instructions:
We go back and forth speaking only in questions.
The question can be inspired & riff off the previous question, but it doesn’t have to.
No answering questions.
This works well in groups, in one-on-one connections, and as a solo practice.
In my first few experiments with The Question Game, I became fascinated by the profound change in physiological state this practice created.
Our minds are always searching for certainty. When we’re stressed or dysregulated, the nervous system in survival mode narrows perception and we think more in binary: Am I safe? Fight or flight? Yes or no? Good or bad? Trust or no trust?
But curiosity doesn’t live in survival mode. It arises in what polyvagal theory calls ventral vagal regulation—the nervous system state where we feel safe, connected, and open to nuance.
I voice recorded the following questions while walking around the cemetery down the street. What better place to reflect on the preciousness of life on the day I was born?
My invitation is to notice what shifts inside your bodymindspirit was you read these questions.
Here are 38 questions that shaped the last year of my life:
If this is last year of my life, what would I change and what would I keep the same?
If this was the last day of my life, what would I do?
If this was the last ten minutes of my life, how would I want to feel?
How do I live with the paradox of knowing life could end at any moment or continue for decades?
If you are not practicing (in conscious awareness), what are you doing?
What is the opposite of practice, and what is in between?
How do I operate from the paradox of Taoist view everything is nature and perfect exactly as it is, while still engaging in meaningful action?
Can I have a good day without caffeine? What about a good week?
How long can I go without engaging with my phone until some sort of anxious energy arises?
How do I want to connect to my environment via the senses?
Where can I locate pleasure and enjoyment in my senses, even in a small, subtle way?
What does my posture communicate about my inner world?
How often do I listen from a truly empty, open, available space?
What are the first 3 things that come to mind when i ask “What are my deepest values?”?
How do I know when I am behaving out of integrity?
What happens when I start to zoom out from my immediate environment to the level of the city I’m in, the country, continent, planet, solar system, galaxy?
How can I stay attuned to the interconnectedness of all things?
How can I let go of a layer of tension in this moment?
What happens in my thoughts-emotions-sensations when I remember that my body is made of earth? That my body is mostly water?
What happens when I remember that my body is mostly empty space?
How does it feel to imagine breathing through all of my skin & all of my cells?
How many different parts/organelles that make up a single human cell can I still name?
How can I be more kind and generous to all beings?
Where do I sense gratitude in my body?
How can I remember to see the miracle and magic of this existence more frequently?
How can I best redistribute resources and the gifts that I’ve been given?
What’s one way I can invite more play into my daily life?
How can I soften my relationship with time?
What am I avoiding by staying busy?
How can I celebrate my growth instead of focusing on where I’m lacking?
Who do I need to apologize to/have a completion conversation with?
Who do I need to forgive?
What’s needed to continue moving towards true secure attachment in all areas of life?
What would my 80-year-old self want me to prioritize today?
How does it feel to stand at the edge of a fresh beginning?
If all my dreams were to come true, how would that feel?
What’s stopping me from feeling that now?
What’s the next just-right thing in my day?
Notice again. How is your internal weather now? What sensations, emotions, and thoughts are present?
If you want to nerd out on some neuroscience, I’ll include that here. If you want to go straight to playing The Question Game, skip to the end.
An Overview of the Neuroscience in the Curious Brain vs the Stressed Brain
Curiosity is a whole-brain experience. In a regulated state, the brain engages a wide network: the dopamine-based seeking circuits (including the ventral tegmental area and nucleus accumbens), the hippocampus (which supports memory and novelty detection), the anterior cingulate cortex (which monitors uncertainty and opens us to new information), the prefrontal cortex (which enables higher-order thinking, reflection, and flexible decision-making), and the default mode network (active during introspection and imaginative thought). These regions work together to support curiosity, learning, and creativity.
In contrast, during stress or dysregulation, the brain shifts into survival mode. The amygdala takes the lead, prioritizing threat detection. The prefrontal cortex—responsible for reflection, empathy, and planning—goes offline or becomes less active, reducing our capacity to pause, inquire, or explore nuance. The dopaminergic reward system becomes narrowly focused on quick relief or control, rather than open-ended exploration. We lose access to curiosity, and instead default to rigid thinking, binary choices, and reactive behavior.
Curiosity is not just a mindset—it’s a neurophysiological state. It signals safety, and it helps create it.
Give it a try
You can play The Question Game solo, with a friend, or in a group. The simple guidelines:
Go back and forth speaking only in questions.
Each question can build on the last—or not. Follow your curiosity.
No answering. Just stay with the inquiry.
It doesn’t always need to be serious or profound—silly, playful, or even absurd questions are welcome. Sometimes that’s the magic that’s needed.
Try it as a conversation, a journaling prompt, or as a voice note to yourself.
Notice how it feels in your body. Notice what shifts.
You can also leave a comment below—in question format only please. 😊
What question is present for you in this moment?
Happy questioning,
-Dae